The Lovely Cordyceps

Usually, I do not write about people.  To be honest, I don’t really like writing about people.  It gets you in trouble, everyone judges you, and I rarely like to write while in a bad mood.  However, sometimes in life you come across that one person that just makes you want to either run away and give up everything just to get away from them, or commit some act of violence that is generally frowned on in society.  

For me, this person is Cordyceps.  

Well, I guess that’s not actually her name.  But for all intensive purposes, that’s what I call her so no one actually knows how much I dislike her.  The name Cordyceps was actually coined by Lance.  Cordyceps is actually a genus of parasitical fungus that feasts on small insects or other fungi, which seemed like a pretty accurate likeness to the real Cordyceps to me.  Lance’s favorite type of Cordyceps invades an ant hill and turns the ants into zombies who later climb up a blade of grass, hang from their jaws, and allow a mushroom to sprout from their head.  

I have never in my life felt so much raw hatred towards anyone in my life other than Cordyceps.  I’d like to think that maybe it is her platinum blonde hair, her manicured nails, or the way she is constantly smacking her gum with an open mouth that drives me batty.  For the record, I do not like hating people.  I wish it was something superficial that I disliked about her so I could dismiss it and move on in my life.  However, to me, she partakes in the activity of utmost disgust for higher education participates.


I’ve seen dear Cordyceps cheating not only once, but twice on different exams.  And for someone who blows her brains out studying and works two jobs constantly, it makes it very difficult to like someone who takes exams with her notes at her feet and spends her weekends at the salon.  It also wouldn’t be so bad it she didn’t have aspirations to be a vet!  So, not only am I blowing my brains out studying, but my main competition has loaded the dice in her favor.  Beautiful.

Cordyceps is my ultimate torture.  She’s my raven knocking at the door, my heartbeat pounding under the floorboards and my cursed monkeys paw.  Every time I see her I feel my skin bristle and my heart rate pound.  And day by day I have to act civil and polite, and listen to her brag about how even though she loves her nail polish and make up and designer clothes, rest assured, she loves cutting up animals.  Not cute.

I bring up this rant because every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I get the pleasure of having Cordyceps as a class mate in not one, but two classes.   Woopiee!!  

Due to my highly competitive nature, should Cordyceps get an acceptance letter and I do not, I will most likely either throw myself off of one of Pittsburgh’s many bridges, or hire a hit man.  After, of course, I go and watch her stick her hand up a horse’s ass with all those manicured nails.


The Major Snob Gets her Hand Smacked

I will admit it right now.  I am a huge major snob.  If you have no idea, a major snob is the typical college student who believes that their major is either better or harder than any other major on campus.  And I may be one of the biggest major snobs on the whole campus.  

Before you read further, if you are going to be highly offended by me talking about my major, believing being a science major is tougher than virtually any other major, or are going to go into a chronic rage about me belittling the work involved in other majors, do yourself a favor and go read a different post.  I’ve never said being a major snob is a good thing, but I also never claimed to be perfect.

So, I am a major snob.  I believe being a science major is rougher than most other majors.  Why?  The amount of time and effort I put into my homework and studying is unbelievable.  Most of my science classes are based off of four equally impossibly hard tests.  Getting extra points that might help bolster your grade is hard.  The tests are detailed and tricky, and it always seems like the material you are most uncomfortable with makes up the bulk of the exam.  Not to mention that science throws the distribution of credits per hour to the wind.  Science majors are forced to take labs, which are usually worth one credit.  However, that is one painful credit.  Lab’s usually last about 3 hrs, and writing the lab report and doing the equations afterwords usually takes even longer.  All for one lousy credit.  And I think my least favorite thing about being a science major is you never know when you are done with your work.

 For example, my education major friend often has to write a paper, come up with a project outline, and on some odd days make a puppet or something else creative like that.  I, however, have to study for an upcoming tests.  So, she writes her paper, makes her puppet, and draws up a project outline and she knows shes caught up.  However, how exactly do I measure when I am done studying?  Is it when I memorize everything on the page?  Is it when my head explodes from thinking?  Is it when I get done with a chapter?  And no matter what choice you make, you always feel guilty making it.  It’s always the wrong one.

So, the other day I posted an annoyed status about being a science major.  It sounded something like this: “I’ve come to the conclusion that I am a huge major snob.  If you’re not a science major, you’re weak”.  I’m not one to complain on facebook, but I had just gotten done pounding my head with cellular and molecular biology, redrawing diagrams, and learning all about how the effector acetylene cyclase forms cAMP from ATP, which then goes on to activate protein kinase A and so on and so forth.  I had a moment of weakness, I was bitter that other people were outside enjoying the nice day, and I posted a crabby status.  No big deal.  People complain on facebook all the time.

The response I got from that simple post was overwhelming.  People telling me to walk in their shoes.  People telling me I had no idea what it was like to take 18 credits and work a job.  People telling me their major is so misunderstood.

This would be a good point to verify that I work two jobs, take 18 credits, do undergraduate research, run and manage the AWC, shadow, and volunteer.  I feel the pain.  

Like typical Hannah, I didn’t back down.  I fought my case, refused to budge, ticked everyone off, and had someone defriend me in the process.  It was absolutely amazing to me.

I think the funniest part of the whole thing was that none of the people who are my friends now wrote or posted anything.  It was all people I went to high school with and haven’t talked to in three years.  I couldn’t believe that these people who had no clue what I go through on a daily basis, and who don’t really even know me or how I operate would have the nerve to attack me specifically to defend their majors.  It was incredible.  One girl even compared my comment to posting ‘Hail Hitler’ on my facebook.  When I posted it, I really didn’t think it was quite that serious.

Honestly, I have no problem with what career people decide to pick.  I mean, we need teachers, business people, journalists and writers, and what ever else in the world.  It takes all sorts to make a world.  But that doesn’t mean I can’t whine and complain about the amount of work I have to do in my own course study.

At least I learned there are three things to never discuss with people; politics, religion, and what major is best.